No, I won't put it in the blog but I'll put it here.
It took me a while and a bit of Twitter sleuthing to find this joke again as I had only a vague recollection of it. Given it's material, I expect it began as a Catholic joke comparing various Catholic colleges. But I heard it as a Mennonite joke back in the 1980s. Thanks to my Twitter friend who helped recollect it. You know who you are. I have given it my own spin. Both the original and this version are likely to offend some.
The US Mennonite Colleges Joke
God, Jesus and the Virgin Mother were sitting around one day in Heaven and they started discussing the recent growth in Mennonite colleges in the US. To understand more deeply what was going on, The Virgin volunteered to go to the colleges and conduct something of an ethnography, living for three days with the students in each of three colleges and participating in their classes and leisure activities.
God and Jesus were both a little worried and warned her that it would be dangerous and she would encounter many temptations. They wanted to send the Holy Spirit with her but it refused to be contained so long within any one institution. And so the Virgin set out on her own, promising to call home often.
She started at Eastern Mennonite College in Virginia. While she was there, God and Jesus fretted about her (the Holy Spirit flitted about, not seeming to care at all). "I just don't know what they mean by having a core course called "Life Wellness" Jesus said, on the third day. "I mean, what does that even mean?" Just then, the phone rang. The Father picked it up.
"Hi, God?"
"Yes"
"It's the Virgin here."
"How are you? Still pure?"
"I think so," the Virgin replied. "Nothing to worry about in the classes. I have been playing a lot of cards, though. Mostly Rook and Dutch Blitz but some Euchre too."
God paused for a minute and thought.
"That's all right -- a bit of card playing isn't too bad."
The Virgin made her way to Bethel College in Kansas next. God and Jesus worried away their time again, while the Holy Spirit blew raspberries at them. "I hear they still teach systematic theology there," said Jesus, "but they can't figure out which system. It's a mess." Just then the phone rang and God the Father picked it up.
"Hi, God?"
"Yes"
"It's the Virgin here."
"How are you? Still pure?"
"I think so," the Virgin replied. "Nothing to worry about in the classes but I went out for a few drinks after class with some friends."
God paused for a minute and thought.
"That's all right -- a bit of drinking in moderation isn't too bad."
The Virgin came to Goshen College in Indiana last on her tour. While she settled in for her three days there, God and Jesus discussed her safety once again. "There are Neo-Anabaptists and Christian Anarchists and feminists there," said Jesus. "but I think some of them just think it's a cool title." God shrugged as the Holy Spirit burst into flame while turning cartwheels. At the end of the three days, the phone rang and God the Father picked up the receiver.
"Hi, God?"
"Yes"
"It's M-m-mary, here!" she announced with new-found power in her voice.
"Oh"
"And we've got some talking to do about what the fuck we all mean by that "purity" word."
It took me a while and a bit of Twitter sleuthing to find this joke again as I had only a vague recollection of it. Given it's material, I expect it began as a Catholic joke comparing various Catholic colleges. But I heard it as a Mennonite joke back in the 1980s. Thanks to my Twitter friend who helped recollect it. You know who you are. I have given it my own spin. Both the original and this version are likely to offend some.
The US Mennonite Colleges Joke
God, Jesus and the Virgin Mother were sitting around one day in Heaven and they started discussing the recent growth in Mennonite colleges in the US. To understand more deeply what was going on, The Virgin volunteered to go to the colleges and conduct something of an ethnography, living for three days with the students in each of three colleges and participating in their classes and leisure activities.
God and Jesus were both a little worried and warned her that it would be dangerous and she would encounter many temptations. They wanted to send the Holy Spirit with her but it refused to be contained so long within any one institution. And so the Virgin set out on her own, promising to call home often.
She started at Eastern Mennonite College in Virginia. While she was there, God and Jesus fretted about her (the Holy Spirit flitted about, not seeming to care at all). "I just don't know what they mean by having a core course called "Life Wellness" Jesus said, on the third day. "I mean, what does that even mean?" Just then, the phone rang. The Father picked it up.
"Hi, God?"
"Yes"
"It's the Virgin here."
"How are you? Still pure?"
"I think so," the Virgin replied. "Nothing to worry about in the classes. I have been playing a lot of cards, though. Mostly Rook and Dutch Blitz but some Euchre too."
God paused for a minute and thought.
"That's all right -- a bit of card playing isn't too bad."
The Virgin made her way to Bethel College in Kansas next. God and Jesus worried away their time again, while the Holy Spirit blew raspberries at them. "I hear they still teach systematic theology there," said Jesus, "but they can't figure out which system. It's a mess." Just then the phone rang and God the Father picked it up.
"Hi, God?"
"Yes"
"It's the Virgin here."
"How are you? Still pure?"
"I think so," the Virgin replied. "Nothing to worry about in the classes but I went out for a few drinks after class with some friends."
God paused for a minute and thought.
"That's all right -- a bit of drinking in moderation isn't too bad."
The Virgin came to Goshen College in Indiana last on her tour. While she settled in for her three days there, God and Jesus discussed her safety once again. "There are Neo-Anabaptists and Christian Anarchists and feminists there," said Jesus. "but I think some of them just think it's a cool title." God shrugged as the Holy Spirit burst into flame while turning cartwheels. At the end of the three days, the phone rang and God the Father picked up the receiver.
"Hi, God?"
"Yes"
"It's M-m-mary, here!" she announced with new-found power in her voice.
"Oh"
"And we've got some talking to do about what the fuck we all mean by that "purity" word."